Apr 16, 2020 | blog
Thirty-three years old! Why not now?! Let’s get crazy and weird and stop living in a bubble!
As I sit back and tell my story, I reflect on the people in my life that provided me with the support and love that helped me through everything. They helped me through all of my bad decisions and unforeseen circumstances. They stuck by me and now, here I am.
So many people die without telling their stories, and I want to make sure that changes. Sometimes your story helps others tell theirs. Many times, we blame others for our own happiness and expect them to change it, but it is through ourselves that happiness is controlled. Effort alone defines your success, and you never know what you are capable of until you try.
I confess that I used to say “the reason people are successful is because things were handed down to them.” Negativity always creeps in, but it is essential to overcome it. So many of us are worried about the “likes” we have on a social media post or the acceptance of feeling “normal”- but fuck all that. I am here to tell you life is going to hit you hard sometimes, and you will forget the shit that really matters. Do not let it last long, because time will fly by and you will waste it worrying about shit that doesn’t matter.
As I write this, I am thirty three years old and feel the best I have ever felt.
Did it take forever? Fuck yes. Did I get hit by trucks and rolled over again and again? Fuck yes! Was all this worth it? Yes, it was because I am still here to tell my story and impact other lives. Does it suck sometimes? Yes, it does. Did I want to give up and fight depression daily? Hell yes. It is no secret that life is full of battles, but if you really look into the battles they are mostly against yourself and what you think “normal” is, or how you are “expected” to act from society. Stop, see how you react to everything, and change it! Change it to something that makes you happiest at that moment. Life is full of small moments that we never get back. And if you get caught acting like an ass hole, you miss the beauty, and the cycle continues, and you get mad at yourself again. The vicious cycle of negativity and “norms” will always try to creep back in.
There are times I stop moving so fast because I miss too many things with my little humans. I want to raise small, loving humans and attention is the best gift you can give anyone. I want to teach them to see the world’s beauty and overcome any challenges in their way.
At my lowest, I remember that life is full of loss, shock, and embarrassment, but fuck it. Life is also full of love, a shit ton of laughter, support, and smiles. Who cares about the people that are going to judge me because of the story I am living. Fuck them and their hateful attitude. They are just battling themselves and the happiness that they expect others to provide them. Stop!! Hold a fucking mirror with you because when you don’t agree with the shit that is happening around you, it is on you to change it, not others. So hold that fucking mirror up.
So go for a run, lift some weights, meditate, have a drink, or eat a piece of cake. Do whatever you need to get through something that is out of your control; maybe all of the above.
People often look at me with complete judgment when I share stories about my infertility or my husband recovering sex addiction. Through this judgment, I found more happiness with myself and my authenticity. It reminded me to look at myself, not worry about what others think, and to be honest with myself.
It is absolutely crazy how people can come back in and out of your life, but we forget the constant connection we have with ourselves. Me, myself, I, and the different stages we are in is what remains constant. People say your thirty-third year is Jesus’s year, no disrespect, but it is “Katy’s Year.”
I am working for a company that is focused on people, and that is what I have always focused on. In previous leadership positions, I was told that being a “people manager” is bad. So fuck it, that is why I am working for myself. Connecting with people and assisting them in growth is what I thrive in and where I am the happiest. Shout out to one of my old bosses that thought a flaw of mine was being a people person. Here I am, doing it all right for me!! I will continue to impact people with emotions, similarities, and empathy. With all due, respect fuck everyone else’s opinion of me.
I will push my way into people’s lives. I am going to be torn down by loved ones and strangers, but being me is worth it! Loud, loving, and lively- take it or leave it!
I love going overboard and stepping over boundaries, and I am going to keep doing it. Thirty-three is the year of the unknown but also the year of “self.” What defines me? Definitely not what I look like on paper but, more in my heart.
Apr 15, 2020 | blog
A letter written to my daughter so she can remain true to yourself and vulnerable to life to keep her grounded:
You are enough
You are worth it
Kindness is the most beautiful trait you can ever have
Laughter is the best medicine
You are not weak because you cry, keep being yourself and the emotional being you are
You are your biggest cheerleader (besides me, your mom)
Don’t let the ugliness in the world take over your dreams. There is still a lot of good, find those people
Learn through my mistakes as well as yours but never regret anything
I will not always give the best advice, go with your heart
Never let someone else’s judgments navigate your thoughts
You are worth it
You are enough
Your heart will break at some point and you will feel lost, go to the ones that will hug you through it
You are so strong and never let anyone tell you differently
You don’t need anyone to feel whole, you can do that for yourself
Be a great friend because your friends will get you through some hard times
You are worth it
You are enough
Read and travel, don’t let society tell you there is a milestone you have to be at as a woman
Stand up for what you know is right, and know that I will always have your back
When you fall in love make sure that person knows just how amazing you are because YOU already know just how amazing you are
You will make mistakes and fail, take that as a lesson learned and be better than you were yesterday
Help others, life is so short, and good people are so important
Don’t forget how much I love you and your success is measured by the love you give and receive
Confidence does not make you a bitch, those people are just intimidated, let them continue to talk
Do what you need to for yourself, you have nothing to prove to anybody
Strong men and strong women empower other women. Be careful who you surround yourself with
You don’t have to know everything, just make sure to learn something new every day
Love whoever you want, but make sure they’re good for your soul
You are worth it
You are enough
Not everyone that knows you knows what is good for you. Know yourself and know how to choose for yourself
Just because they love you doesn’t mean they know what is best for you
Remind yourself often how beautiful you are, and that society norms are not always right
I love you no matter what, and will always be proud of you
You, my beautiful daughter, will always be worth it
Love your mom, Katy
Nov 14, 2019 | Uncategorized
Wow…the amount of questions and comments I received the other day was actually wonderful and I think engaging in this type of conversation is helpful for everyone. We live in a time where real, true relationships are hard to come by and when we own our truth and can overcome things together, we are unstoppable. I thought sharing my responses would be important.
So… the real story is that there are so many factors to this decision I made to stay with my husband and the situation that I was in. I allowed myself 1 year to not make any decisions for our family and although I was blindsided and found out a heartbreaking truth, I was able to watch the person I once loved change for himself. He finally owned his truth and took accountability, which was important for his recovery. One reason I made that decision was because we have little humans together and they deserved the best version of him. Another reason was because he was the one that wanted to make this change and come clean about all the addictive behaviors he had gotten himself into. He is responsible for the decisions he made but the way society supports this behavior and portrays women and men engaging in these unhealthy behaviors is sad. We have a boy and girl and we now have tools and first hand experience to help them along this journey with the situations they will face in this crazy world. Communication is key in any relationship and so necessary for children, so they understand the images they see and the behaviors that are unacceptable.
How did I get over the betrayal?
I never got over it and with time I have learned to accept the changed person he has become. His actions and changed behavior have shown me I can get passed the betrayal. I grieved my first marriage with him and I am now on my second with that same person who is now able to be true to himself and others. He also gives hope to so many others.
How did you find out?
I now know my husband had been fighting addiction since I met him and I did not know there was a second life he was leading. He got in trouble and was arrested and this allowed him to finally come clean with everything and give me answers I had been praying for. This was one of the hardest times in my life , yet I am so grateful for how it unfolded because it helped me heal and understand all the disconnect I was feeling. I would have left him without knowing the full truth, and having all the answers helped me find myself again.
Any regrets?
Yes , I completely regret not trusting my gut and going with what I was feeling. I know I would never steer myself wrong and yet I kept telling myself to not be so crazy. I was disconnected to him and I knew something was wrong but kept pushing my own feelings away as if marriage was suppose to feel that shitty.
If kids weren’t involved would you have left?
I know that the kids did have a part in controlling my anger towards him and allowing him to show us he could change. My younger self would have walked out and probably never looked back. But the mother in me knew my kids deserved a dad, either with us as co-parents or not. I absolutely love the person my husband has become and although my heart was shattered, he was able to help me pick up the pieces and make an even stronger bond.
Why share this with the world?
I think being open about this will help others. Life is not perfect and even if we divorced, I would still want the world to know people can change. I think with support and community addiction can be overcome. It is nothing I would have ever imagined but it is more common than you think and if we could just communicate and talk about society and the unhealthy behaviors , maybe more people wouldn’t hide in shame. My husband was in shame and guilt for a long time and now he has a weight lifted off him and shares our story so it could help someone else overcome the challenges they face. Communication and honesty is so important and without it we can never be our authentic selves.
Also check out “the truth will set you free” blog post for more details.
Aug 20, 2019 | blog
Addiction affects ordinary people
Addiction doesn’t always look the same
Addiction is everywhere
Addiction takes people’s lives
Addiction destroys families
Addiction is real
Addiction needs to be talked about
Addiction does not always lead to recovery
Addiction recovery does not look the same
Addiction should not be secluded
Addiction should be conquered by connection
Addiction is real
Addiction could start as a child
Addiction could start as an adult
Addiction is scary as hell
Addiction could include multiple things
Addiction could take someone’s life
Addiction is real
Addiction is looked down upon
Addiction recovery could be empowering
Addiction needs to be talked about
Addiction doesn’t have to be the end
Addiction can be overcome
Addiction is real
Jul 19, 2019 | blog
“The course of true love never did run smooth” – William Shakespeare
I am a woman who fell for the “find someone and your whole life changes” kind of life. Now the movies and books weren’t completely wrong but they did hype it up and put all of my happiness in someone else’s hands. What I came to find out is I held that key to happiness the whole time. By reacting differently, being grateful, and not comparing myself to others is when I found true happiness. Media makes love at first sight literally staring at someone and falling madly in love. I don’t think that ever happens, I mean you definitely look at someone and feel a connection, but to look at someone and absolutely forget everything about life and see this person as better than yourself is kind of absurd. I now look in the mirror and get that love at first sight kind of love. I look in the mirror and see real, authentic truth pouring out of my heart and I am absolutely in love with my reflection. Do not get me wrong, I do love my husband and I love who he is and has become but I have learned that loving myself first is the key to any successful relationship I will have in my life. It takes a ton of work and time to make relationships feel right. Just like everything in life, things change and people grow and you need to be ready for all of that. God will help lead the way but your effort has to be there and you should find that love for yourself first. I think one of my greatest challenges in life is my marriage but I am wholeheartedly invested in a great story and giving people hope.
The truth is, you will outgrow your old self and you need to be ready to step into your new role. The person you fell in love with at a younger age is still there but growing with that person is the best and scariest experience you will have. I was in love with my young, playful, sweet, fat and lovable self as a child. Then I lost myself for awhile in high school and college but I accepted that time as an experience of finding myself and although I still loved myself, I didn’t love myself first. And now I adore the mom, professional, wife, sister, and daughter that I have become. I am overcoming challenges and obstacles I never thought would be a part of my life but I adore it. I let myself feel pain and then I allow myself to forgive and move on. It is this cycle that some call vicious but I think if we call it the workable cycle of life than we may feel a bit more positive about it. Without love we don’t know ourselves and without relationships we really don’t know love. So, remember that your thoughts and your hard work can lead you any direction, and although you will get off track, just remember to love yourself first!
