Jun 28, 2019 | blog
Bad decisions can always be changed into better decisions
It is not OK to live a double life
It is not OK to give in to temptation as long as you come home and make your family happy
It is not OK as long as you are providing for your family
It is not OK as long as you love your wife first
It is never OK to visit massage parlors
It is never OK to hide finances
It is never OK even if you can separate both lives
It is never OK to be unfaithful
It is not OK to take advantage of women or men
It is not OK to give into urges
It is still not OK even if it is two consenting adults
It is never OK if you pay for sex
It is never OK that you lied to your family
It is not OK that pornography is so accessible to everyone, and does not give you an excuse of why you made bad decisions
It is OK to share your story to help change the way we view and respect women in this world
It is OK to share your story to help change the way we respect others
It is OK to share your story so our children know right from wrong and the true meaning of love
It is OK that you will help someone own their truth
It is OK that you show the world how a real man should live his life
It is OK that the real challenge you conquer everyday is not giving into the temptation that our society has bestowed upon us
It is OK that you opened my eyes to a world of silence and I am now a voice that will be heard
From,
The wife of a recovering sex addict
Jun 21, 2019 | blog
I knew the hurt I was feeling was real, but that I would overcome it. I knew the heartbreak I was feeling was real, but that I would overcome it. I knew the hate in my heart was real, but I would overcome it. I knew the crying would eventually stop, but I would overcome it. I knew the love I once knew was gone, but I would overcome it. These choices you made had nothing to do with me, and I had to realize that. I could not change you, but I could be supportive through your change. Watching you grow as a person and a man is a sight that I hope everyone can witness in their life. Do not accept mediocre from your partner or your friends. We as humans do not deserve to be treated any less than how we treat others, especially when we are giving our all. I am so grateful for the chance to share my story in all of its messiness. At times I am in shock; this is my story, but then I own it and help others along the way.
As I sit here and thank God for another day, I reminisce over everything we have become and everything our future holds. I cannot help but be saddened and grateful by how we got here. We got to this strong place through a reveal of shame, lies, and secrecy. I remember the call like it was yesterday, you were calling from jail, and I remember hanging up the phone and telling you to figure it out. There is nothing in this world that could have prepared me for that moment, and I wasn’t ready for this truth bomb to hit me. The truth was that you had been cheating on me for 5+ years with prostitutes and massage parlors, and leading another life that I knew nothing about. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror because of how blind I was and embarrassed I was. I allowed someone to give me a 50% commitment for my 110% loyalty. I allowed myself to question my gut because I didn’t want to be seen as a “crazy woman.” I prayed throughout our marriage for there to be answers of why I was feeling like this. I was over the fighting, but I didn’t know I would get my prayers answered like this. When I finally got all the answers I was looking for, I didn’t know how to accept them. The roller coaster of emotions is a real thing, and through our experiences, we will witness this. I was shocked, angry, confused, defeated, heartbroken, lost, and at the same time, I felt a rush of change swoop over me. My gut had been right all along, and I needed to take my time on this. I could not make a drastic decision that could impact myself and the kids for the rest of our lives. I had to swallow my pride and help someone that I loved so much, yet it was the same person who had hurt me more than anybody else. I had to remember that life is hard sometimes, but through these moments is where the strength lies. I hated looking weak to others because I stayed, I hated not being able to look at myself because I wasn’t sure what I was going to see in the mirror and if I was making the right decisions. I finally trusted my gut, and I thanked her for always having my back even when I wasn’t listening. I thanked that beautiful woman in the mirror for finding her way back to who she was. Funny, loving, caring, kind, and honest as ever. I stopped saying sorry, and I started only accepting actions that showed change, and not just words that stated the changes. I remembered that girl I had lost that could be in front of anyone and make someone smile. We went through so much together, and I wasn’t going to let something that hurt me so much be the end of it. I wasn’t going to turn my back when someone needed me most. There were times I wanted to scream and yell and run away. I wanted you to cry and cry and say you were sorry, as I spit in your face and leave. I knew that wouldn’t change anything. I knew I had to focus on myself and watch you change if that was what you truly wanted.
We open this next chapter of our lives, you as a recovering addict, and me as a wife of a recovering addict. I learned so much through this process, and honestly, at times, it is a bit overwhelming. I learned that society has a lot of work to do with education and awareness. Sex needs to be talked about and not portrayed in the media the way it is. I learned that our family will continue to grow with love and honesty. We are the voice for so many others and so many ordinary people that this has affected. I want to be a voice for people who think it is weak to stand by someone who is changing for the better. It is not weak, in fact, it is strong and unselfish. To be better, we have to do better, and the first step is owning our truth. But be cautious, because this story will not be the same for all, and you must trust your gut and your heart. Only stand by someone who is changing and putting in the work, it is not on you, it is on them. Learn to trust yourself again and take the leap of faith and do better for yourself. Be honest about your past and move forward in the present and for a better future. I am living proof that putting yourself first is the most important thing and that the truth really does, set you free.
Sep 30, 2017 | blog
I am at a point in my life where I enjoy educating people and letting people know that prying into people’s lives without genuine love and compassion is unacceptable. People need support and positive vibes, not emotionless questions about superficial society norms. It is exhausting to go through the obstacle and teach people what offends you or what doesn’t support you at the same time you are going through it. I think a good solution is asking people what makes them happy, and how life is going. Not specifically, “why are they not pregnant, or married, or with someone.” Maybe ask them what they are doing for themselves, what keeps them happy or how they keep up with their daily routine. It is nice to see more celebrities and people talk about life and the real stories they have because life is hard, love is hard, being happy is hard. I know that we can do better for each other and cheer each other on. Infertility sucks and I am a firm believer that the more cheerleaders and love we have, that the easier an obstacle is to get through. Loving yourself is hard when you are going through a lot and having support and people that genuinely care about your wellbeing is important with any pain you face.
This is your life and you only get one, and whatever you want to do you should do it. If you don’t ever want to have kids that’s fine, and you shouldn’t have to deal with all the questions about relationships or having kids. People always ask when you hit a certain age or you’re with someone for a certain amount of time, what milestone you have hit. I am here to tell you there are no specific milestones you need to hit at any age. I want people to just feel good in their own skin and their own life, wherever you have to go to feel good, do it. When you are in sync with yourself you can get through any obstacle that comes your way. Yes, infertility was just one of the many obstacles I faced but having support and staying focused on happiness no matter the outcome was important. I want people to know that they do not have to be in a relationship if they want a child, they do not have to go in any specific order in their life to feel complete. If you have a career or want to start one, starting a family should not be something that defers you. We should be able to have everything we have ever wanted. We should be able to do anything we want, and in any order that we want to. Don’t stop because of judgement and people’s opinions who don’t matter. Keep going, and find your happiness without outside distractions or fears creeping in. Also, you can always reach out to me for any additional support you may need.
